Wait 'Till You See My Smile
by butterfly-scrub-cap
Summary: Short one shot. A/U. Arizona's reaction when Alex got on the plane to Boise instead of Arizona, and he didn't make it back alive. Set post S8.


_**Prompt: **__A/U. Alex was on the plane that crashed instead of Arizona. He didn't come back alive. _

_**Submitter:**__ surgeon-yang_

_**Author's Note:**__ I also A/U'd some of the injuries. Most notably: Lexie doesn't die._

_**Title From*:**__ "Wait 'Till You See My Smile" - Alicia Keys_

_*[The entire song doesn't apply to the story, I just use lyrics/song titles from the Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack to title my fanfics.]_

"You ungrateful crap dog!" Arizona watched a flash of remorse flash across Alex's face before he started arguing with her, trying to make her understand why he chose Hopkins. "Shut up, just shut up. You want to know why you got into Hopkins? You got into Hopkins because of ME, I made you. Without me, you wouldn't even have made it to the boards, let alone Hopkins." Arizona's voice hitched in her throat, the emotional rollercoaster she'd been on that day had left her raw and stinging. She felt Callie's arm tug her back from Alex, whom Arizona had managed to back into the wall despite the size difference between the two of them being in Alex's favor.

Arizona dropped her arms to her side, fixing Alex with her eyes. The warm sapphire color had turned ice blue to match her anger. "Don't talk to me again, Karev. I hate you!" and with one last look of disgust, she let herself be pulled away by Callie.

—-

Chief Hunt turned to the stricken faces of the surgeons he had gathered. "Alright I just got off the phone with the Chief of Surgery at Boise. They are on their way back as we speak. Aside from the obvious shock each one of them will have, Cristina suffered only a dislocated shoulder, Mark and Meredith have only a few scrapes. Lexie and Derek suffered more serious injuries. Lexie was caught under the wing of a plane, but fortunately the others removed the plane's wing and gave her fluids in time, so she got away with three broken ribs and a punctured lung. Derek's hand is injured but after a surgery and physio he will he back to forcing us to join him in operating inoperable tumors."

A small chuckle passed around the room, despite the circumstances. Arizona realized she was still holding her breath when Bailey asked about the last passenger that had been on that plane. She watched as Owen's face turned somber. As he said the words, Arizona felt as though she had been punched in the stomach.

"No. He can't have… He's Karev!" she yelled, as though that would explain something. Her lip started trembling, a sure sign that tears were imminent. She lowered her head to shield her eyes from the sympathetic gaze of the other surgeons. "No" she whispered one last time.

Suddenly, the conference room seemed to be shrinking around her. Arizona felt constricted. She had to leave. Without even considering her actions, she stood up and ran out of the room.

Once in the nearest on-call room, Arizona slid to the floor and let the tears fall._ Why does everyone I love have to leave me? Why can't I ever tell them I love them before they're taken away from me? Just…why? _Guilt started to consume her. _If only I hadn't yelled at him before he left, he wouldn't be dead. I should have told him he was good. I should have told him…I should have…I should have…I should have._

"Arizona, it's me, let me in." In the short time it took Calliope to find her, Arizona had convinced herself that it had been her fault. She wiped her tears as she scooted over just enough for her wife to walk into the room.

"I'm…I'm okay, Calliope, really. You have patients. I'm fine." But as she tried smiling, her eyes betrayed her with yet more tears. Callie simply shook her head gently, and bent down to pick her up. Arizona felt safe in Callie's arms, and let herself relax as her wife sat down on the bed. Clinging to her, Arizona began trying to explain. "Everyone that loves me leaves." She said through her sobs. "Timothy. Nick. Karev. I never even told him how awesome he was. He.. It's my fault. Everyone leaves me. I'm cursed."

As Callie rubbed circles gently into her back, Arizona calmed down; her sobs turning to silent tears. "Callie I can't do this. Not again. Not a third time. I'm still not through the second."

Callie cupped Arizona's face in her hands. "Hey, hey, no. Whatever you can't do, I'll do, okay?"

Arizona nodded slowly, "Can you get me a donut? I need a donut if I'm going to get through my next surgery.

If Callie disagreed with her wife's attempts to act fine again, she didn't show it. "One pink glazed donut with rainbow sprinkles coming right up" she smiled, as they stood up.

"You know me so well." Arizona smiled back, a small wavery smile, but a smile nonetheless. "You have no idea how much I love you Calliope." As Calliope opened her mouth to talk, Arizona knew what she was going to say. "Fine. Fine. We can talk about it later. But right now I really need be okay because I have to save a tiny human in an hour." Arizona watched Callie nod in agreement, as she gave her a quick thank you kiss, before walking out in search of Arizona's comfort food.

No sooner had Arizona sat back down on the bed that there was a knock at the door. _Strange, Callie wouldn't knock. _"Come in?" she said uncertainly. "Oh, hi Dr. Avery. I can leave if you need the room?" _He looks as bad as I feel right now._

"No, I actually came to tell you something, about Karev. May I sit?"

Arizona nodded, unable to speak for fear of breaking down again.

"He knew." Jackson stared at the wall in front of them as he spoke softly. "He knew you loved him. He told me all the time that you're a great mentor. He chose Hopkins to make you proud. He may not be right here anymore, but he'll always be a part of us, of the ones he loves. And we'll always be a part of him. He wanted so much to make you proud."

"He did, he always did."

"Then you should make him proud too. I know he'd want you to carry on being a great surgeon. Alex wouldn't want anyone to cry over him, we all know he hates tears. He loved your smile."

"Thank you, Jackson." She knew it would be a while before she would be completely okay; but she also knew that it was possible. It wouldn't be easy, but she would do it for Alex, for Nick, for Timmy. They'd always made her proud, and she wanted to make them proud. So she smiled, a true, genuine smile.

.


End file.
